Offbeat

Season Two of Legends’ House Fantasy Cast

Legends’ House is the best original content that has been created for the WWE Network. The fact that shows like Holy Foley and Swerved got extended for more episodes than Legends House really grinds my gears. Those shows are bad, like cringe-worthy bad, and there was little to be enjoyed from them. Legends House, however, has brought us some great moments that people often forget. A couple examples are whenever Tony Atlas would laugh at something stupid, or the time when Howard Finkel would try to play Tennis, or maybe when Gary Busey randomly showed up to the house for a meditation session. The WWE needs to bring back this show, and my cast of WWE legends would definitely create more Legends’ House moments that is worth much more than the $9.99 a month someone would pay to watch.

Behold, my fantasy cast for a second season of Legends’ House:

  1. Bob Backlund. He has way too much energy to keep this house in a calm state. He would really tick off everybody, similar to what Jimmy Hart did in the original season. His interactions within the house would always be crazy and you always need one of these guys in a somewhat reality kind of TV show.
  2. Jerry Lawler. Who doesn’t like Jerry Lawler? This guy has mastered the art of the dad joke and is very quick-witted. His shriek would be perfect for when the legends participate in events and something shocking happens. Just make sure he stays away from inviting young females into the house.
  3. JBL. As much as JBL doesn’t shut up at the commentary booth, I can see him being quite reserved on the show. He’ll be the guy sitting on the porch drinking Budweiser all day treating the show like a paid vacation. Every once in a while he may interact with the guys by ribbing them, but that would be about it.
  4. Scott Steiner. The Big Bad Booty Daddy would bring in the high amount of subscriptions that WWE always promises their investors. He is a quote-machine and whatever he says is a trending hashtag waiting to happen. Scott fat shaming the other legends for ordering delivery pizza would be a real sight to observe. I’d also love to see Steiner try to pay the bills for the house because according to his Steiner math, since he is a genetic freak, his bills should “drastic” go down on his command. There is never enough Steiner on the Network and this show would be a perfect way to get more Steiner content for all of his freaks out there.
  5. The Big Show. Legends’ House, baby, woooo! He definitely has the perfect personality for a show like this. There is a ton of comedic value that can come from his ability to interact with others. I can maybe see some of the guys do things like copy Eddie Guerrero and remove toilet paper before Big Show uses the bathroom or force Show to dress up as Baby New Year again for their New Years’ Eve Party. Even though he isn’t The “Thick” Show at nearly 500 pounds anymore, he is still a funny guy and would be great for the show.
  6. Teddy Long. Holla, Holla! Teddy would seem like he would be down to live in the Legends’ House if they paid him enough money. He has been known to be a cheap bastard in the past, apparently being taken to “Wrestlers’ Court” for selling his free Viagra to the boys back in the day. If we’d get to see that frugal Teddy Long, this could get real fun.
  7. Diamond Dallas Page. DDP would be the babysitter in the house. He would have to console who ever Steiner would fat shame and give Scott a minimum punishment of two hours of DDP Yoga. I don’t think that a meathead who only cares about his freaks and his peaks likes yoga much. I see him as really the only mature legend in the house and his group would win 100% of team challenges thrown at them.
  8. Tony Atlas. Tony was the breakout star in the first season of Legends’ House. He was the most hated legend within the house and caused the most controversy without even knowing it. Controversy creates cash (according to Eric Bischoff) so it would be dumb not to include him. From his obnoxious laugh to his attempts at making chitlins (pig intestines) for dinner, he helps create the show’s loose environment and the overall fun experience.

 

With my cast, I think this season of Legends’ House would attract multiple generations of wrestling fans. There are wrestlers in this cast that generations of my grandfather, father, and myself could remember seeing wrestle. Add some fun events like a night out with a guest-starring Ric Flair and playing in a slow-pitch softball tournament then I guarantee it becomes a top show on the WWE Network, once again.

 

 

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